I was giving a lecture in the UT Houston medical school the other week. It was a strange feeling, walking the exact same halls I had been in just over 10 years ago when I came to interview for medical school.

I remember being nervous then, and a friend telling me to take a shot of whiskey prior to the interview. I am glad i did not follow her advice.

This time I was a different nervous. I was going to give a lecture on Oncological Emergencies. It was actually fun to give the talk, and to think where I was way back when. The class was receptive. I think I need to add a break or a funny story in the middle though.

While waiting for my turn to give the lecture, I saw a little flyer calling for volunteers for a study. They needed folks my age or under, who are overweight. I checked their little scale and I fit the criteria. There would be financial compensation. I took a tab. Any chance for money is my motto now. It fills the emptiness in my soul quite nicely.

I emailed the primary researcher, very excited that I was going to get paid for just being my chunky self. But when I got his email back, I realized it was a rejection letter. Apparently, in my current state of wallowing, I had lost just enough weight to not qualify. They needed someone with a BMI of 26 or above. I was now…25.4.

Right after the break up I didn’t immediately lose my appetite. Maybe I was in a state of denial. My friend Nupur took me out to make sure I ate enough, and … I actually had to hold back out of shame. I did care, and wanted to show it. Nupur offered me her sandwich, which I declined demurely but eyed closely. She looked at me shrewdly and said “I think you’re gonna be OK.”

But shortly after that, i think the full realization of events hit me. I felt hungry physically, but did not want food or to look for food. I would drink water and snack on gummy vitamins. 

By being sad, I took away my chance of making money for being fat.

There is a lesson to be learned here, I think. But I don’t see it yet.

 

 

 

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Published in: on October 19, 2013 at 5:31 am  Leave a Comment  

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