On friends

Christmas time is around the corner, time to reflect on things we’ve done through the year and the friends we’ve killed, i mean, made, and time we’ve shared with old friends who have managed to survive the vetting process.

Signs of a good friend #1
Friends share your priorities
Nancy: There’s always noise in New York City. You never have a real moment of quiet like in the country. But then I discovered that meant I can fart anytime and not worry about people hearing it.
Me: You know, that’s something I’ve always looked for in a city but never admitted to anyone, not even myself…
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Signs of a good friend #2
Friends make you feel safe
Me (while driving through a small town at night): Oh no, oh no we just missed the exit, now we’re on this deserted road and we’re gonna get murdered.
Daniel: Don’t worry Jasmine, if we get attacked by anyone I’m an expert in at least 7 forms of (pause) running away
————-
Signs of a good friend #3
Friends understand each other on a different level
Amar: Flames, flames on the side of my face….
————–
Signs of a good friend # 4
Friends see things in a positive light
Me (while playing a video game): Is it bad for a grown woman to wish to be a dwarf noble in real life?
Daniel: No, because everyone wants to be something else that is badass. Like, a lot of girls wish they were Kim Kardashian. But if you and a girl who wished they were Kim Kardashian both got what they wanted- who would really be happy?
———————-
Signs of a good friend # 5
Friends tell you the truth when others don’t.
Jennifer: What’s wrong with your hair? It looks like…
Me: Like birds have been nesting in it?
Jennifer: Yes, exactly.
Me: You know, I thought so, but people kept telling me it looks ok.
Jennifer: here, let me take a picture and show you.
Jennifer: Ok, so it’s actually pretty in the photo, but trust me, it’s bad.
—————–
Signs of a good friend #6
Friends let you know how much you’re worth
Mona: Jasmine, what are you getting Ajla from the store?
Me: I’m giving her my friendship. Isn’t that enough?
Mona: No! That’s no good. You have to give her something else, like cheesecake.
Jasmine: … cheesecake’s better than my crappy friendship?
Ajla (diplomatically): It’s only crappy in comparison with the cheesecake.
————-
Signs of a good friend #7
Friends give each other meaningful presents
Ajla: Here’s a gift for you, Jasmine. You like food, so …(hands over a box of toy foods)
Me: Thanks Ajla! (opens box). Oh boy! There’s pear, cheese…Squeaky Mustard….
(holds the plush mustard up. Squeeze it, and it squeaks)
Me: Um, Aj…I think these are dog toys…
Ajla: What?
Me (reads side tag): For dogs only.
Ajla: But it wasn’t in the pet aisle!
Ajla’s mom: It only says that so children won’t choke on it.
Me; (squeaks the mustard)
——————
Signs of a good friend # 8
Friends can be honest about feelings
Gina: Am I a mean person?
Me (recalling bitterly something that happened months ago): Yes. You laughed when my bratwurst fell off of my plate while I was trying to eat it.
Gina: HAHAHAHAHA.
Evan: The funny thing was that that particular incidet came to you so quickly. It’s like you were really upset, but was all “I can’t let her see me cry, cause that’ll just make her laugh more.”
Gina: And I would have!
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Signs of a good friend #9
Friends teach you new things
Minesh: I’ll just throw out these old bananas, or feed them to the pigeons.
Me: Pigeons eat bananas?
Minesh: I think they do.
Me: I didn’t know that…are you sure you’re not mixing up pigeons with monkeys? “Oh, look at that pigeon swinging through the trees with its tail”?
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Published in: on December 3, 2011 at 5:01 pm  Comments (3)  

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3 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Incident

    • yes thank you. i actually know how to spell these words, i just…don’t for some reason.

  2. these are funny. you need a ‘like’ button on your blog for us lazy folk (or folk who don’t have anything interesting to say but enjoyed your entry).


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