At least she had one last Christmas. Though you could also say they took her last Christmas from her, wasted in the PICU, with its sterile smell that now equates to the smell of sickness. Meanwhile I was home with my family hanging out, bored in my baseline good health and idleness.

People always long for a connection, a belief that in our relations there is more meaning than simple social Brownian motion, sometimes so much we imagine it. So maybe that week of nightmares, sleep paralysis, dreams of suffocation, maybe that was my penance to her and not just because I had three presentations to give in a week.  Probably not, but I wish it were, because it’d mean we were connected, and that I got to share  in her pain though I’d stopped visiting her long ago.

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Published in: on February 2, 2011 at 9:25 pm  Leave a Comment  

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