Today, Evan, Gina, Aj and I met up at Hideaway Pizza to celebrate a possible new job for me. 

We are a creative bunch. Much like how intellectuals and writers Lord Bryon, Percy Shelley, Mary Shelley, and Claire Clarimont met in the olden days to brainstorm stories and ideas, we came up with our own ways to improve medicine. By inventions.

Gina was telling us how chloraprep worked by friction (when asked for references, Gina said “Dr. Dupuis told me, and so did Dr. Henry.” we confirmed it finally with Wikipedia). And so Aj, who is ALWAYS thinking, comes up with the idea of melding a Clarisonic facial cleaner (or a Sonic toothbrush) with a Chloraprep. A Chloronirotor. Which, Evan pointed out, sounds like it’s meant for the nether regions. I think it vaguely sounds like a dinosaur name. The Chloroniraptor.

Aj says laugh if you will, but one day future med students will be coming to talk about this awesome new invention. Personally, I figure it wouldnt take that long. In a year or two,  I’ll be flipping channels late one night and see Aj doing an ad on TV. “The Chloronirotor! only 19.99. Call now and you’ll get one free!” Out of friendship, I’d order three. Oh, maybe by then she’ll also figure out a way to incorporate the steam-mop into it too. Aj did find the Shark steam-mop commercials fascinating. A good way to clean those MRSA-prone households. I’d buy a bunch of those.

While they chatter away, I continue to daydraem about said commerical, which leads me to think how people have tried to invent something for everything (the perfect pancake maker? really?). Then I realize nothing has been invented to clean the belly button, and maybe the chloronirotor could come with an extension of sorts for that. Aj thinks it’d tickle, while Evan believes it would cause great internal damage (“Jasmine, the reason it hasn’t been invented is the same reason why no one has invented an inner eyelid scratcher”). Gina and Aj also sense potential complications with urachal ducts and such. I try to argue that there’s a completely neglected market out there for belly button cleaners . Gina tells me they have made something for that, and it’s called a cotton swab.

Other ideas include fake nails that have antibiotic properties and for no medical reason really, a *top secret* pen. We think the last one is a very marketable idea and imagine the sales that would come from it. “We’d share it four ways” says Gina. “Share the pen?” I say. Eveyone at the table looks at me sadly. “Think bigger,” Gina suggests, kindly.

That, folks,  was just one night’s worth of ideas. Imagine if we  started meeting regularly and tape-record our conversations. One of these days, we’re going to strike gold. I just know it.

Student: So what do you want to do eventually?

Me: The lotto is 355 mil tonight.

Student (looks at me blankly)

Me (defeatedly): Or heme-onc. If I can’t get rich easy, I might as well spend my time helping kids with cancer.



Published in: on January 5, 2011 at 4:59 am  Leave a Comment  

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