Ah, the glamour of being a doctor. On call Saturday, had a patient come in with multiple issues.
Grandmother: “Fever, sore throat, and her breath smells like a bowel movement.”
Me(writing this all down): “And when…”
Grandmother: “Will you smell it?”
Me (slowly stops writing): “Yes, yes…of course. When I… examine her.”
Grandmother: “It smells bad.”
Mom: “She didn’t brush her teeth, but it’s more than just that.”
I get a nauseated feeling in the pit of my stomach. Reluctantly, but realizing there’s no sense in stalling, I take a whiff. From 3 feet away.
Me: “I don’t notice it.”
Grandmother: “That’s because she’s not breathing out enough. Get closer. Honey, blow so the doctor can smell.”
I’m sure my shoulders sagged as I resigned to this responsibility. I leaned over and took two shallow breaths, expecting feculant or, best case scenario, little kid morning mouth.
Me (suddenly smiling): “Hey! Not bad.”
Grandmother (looking at me in disgust): “You smell it?”
Me: “I’m smelling her breath.” (gets closer and takes a deeper whiff) “Yes, not bad at all.”
Grandmother has an incredulous expression that tells me she questions my 1) sense of smell/sanity 2) personal hygiene, as I find poop scents ‘not bad’.
Me (motioning her closer): “You smell it.”
Grandmother hesitates, then leans over and places her nose near the girl’s face. There’s a eureka moment: “Ohhh…I forgot! I just gave her a coconut lollipop to eat. Thaaat explains it.”
Me: “It smells like coconut. You thought I was pretty gross for a minute there, didn’t you.”

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Published in: on October 26, 2009 at 6:51 pm  Comments (4)  

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4 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. beedawwwwg funneee.
    she didn’t know that she had encountered the master of bodily excretion smells.
    haha! just keedeeeeeeng.

    • Your spelling appalls me. Is this really Nancy?

  2. what’s that car in my smell? :)

    • Of all phrases to last throughout the years…


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