On Cheeses

One of the perks I got moving to OKC was finding my  now favorite cheese source, Forward Foods. It’s a tiny store with organic veggies and cheese you can’t find in most supermarkets.

They are my source for veggie hotdogs.  My local stores used to have veggie dogs but no more. I like to fry up veggie dogs with scrambled eggs and onions, potatoes- a meal that was popular back during the Depression (only they used regular hot dogs). I like Depression era food. If only they had a restaurant with that theme.

But a review on the cheese, the main reason why I drive to Norman. Since I’m no gourmand, I can only give you my layman’s descriptions of these cheeses.

Walnut Gouda- When I first heard about this cheese I was like yeah yeah, gouda with walnuts, whatever. But it’s a good mix and is now my standby cheese . I always look for it when I go. The last few times they have been sold out.

Red Dragon: It’s this cheese with mustard in it. The mustard grains. You can get this at stores but it’s a different, crumblier texture. This is Caleb’s and my mom’s favorite.

Black Mountain: Like Red Dragon, but with peppers or horseradish. I can’t recall. I wasn’t a repeat customer on this one. Boring.

Mt. Tam: Mmm! A washed rind cheese, so it stinks, but it tastes creamy and reminds me of Luby’s macaroni and cheese. I am horrible at describing tastes. Anyways, it’s my new favorite. Sorry Walnut Gouda.

Lavender infused cheese rubbed in coffee grind (it was named like Jolt or something): I know, it sounds like garbage disposal stuff. But it had an award symbol next to it, so I tried some. It was weird. Not bad. The lady told me it was ‘hearty.’ I thought it tasted like cheese that had been sitting next to a Slim Jim. But with a hint of lavender. My tastebuds were confused.

Stinky Bishop: I was intrigued by what was called the stinkiest cheese in the world. So I ordered a whole 1/2 lb-I was sure I would love it. The lady behind the counter happily cut me the amount. “Smells soo good!” she said. “that is , IF you know what you’re smelling.” We shared a bourgeoise laugh at the plebeians who would have been grossed out. Not us…we appreciate the fine stuff.

To be honest, I couldn’t smell it from there, yet. When I got in the car I got a whiff- it reminded me of  France. Jennifer and I have associated France with the smell of fart. Not really fair (the Louvre did not smell farty unless you stood behind the wrong person) but it was what made the strongest impression.

So I go home, open up the package, a box of crackers at ready to my left. As I’m unfolding the wrapping  I get a flashback of unfolding a diaper in the ER that very morning…and the smell is EXACTLY what I smelt with the diaper. The shocking thing is my first thought, which was as honest and truthful thought as I’ve ever had, with no irony or sarcasm, was “do I have any enemies on whose doorstep I can leave this?” Pure discouragement  followed when I realized I didn’t have enemies and I would have to find a way to not waste this cheese. So I tried eating it. It doesn’t taste like it smells- it’s very creamy with a hint of something I don’t like…but the taste was not worth the smell. But I kept eating it. I ate the whole thing in one sitting because I couldn’t bear having it in the refrigerator. That’s a lie. I ate half and threw the rest away. I’m so sorry cheese lady. I am only a plebeian after all.

Published in: on September 29, 2009 at 5:47 am  Comments (11)  

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11 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Um…aren’t you Asian and lactose-intolerant?

    • Yes and yes. Ow.

      • she’s also super-keen on the smells of things that come out of her body. maybe your next post could be titled: ‘on the smells of poops resulting from aforementioned cheeses.’


      • okay, i touched a nerve. it’s true, you have never described a poop smell to me.

      • it’s ok nancy. I just didn’t want people to get the wrong idea.

      • ok, sorry. everybody, for the record: jasmine has never described her poop to me, as far as i can recall.

      • And same for nancy. I don’t know where she stands on the subject.

  2. Damn Jas, that was cheesy.

    So does it smell better or worse than a patient with C. diff? Or smelly tofu?

  3. That’s so cheesy.

    So does it smell better than stinky tofu or a patient with C. diff?

    • stinky tofu doesn’t bother me.

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